


She used to be mine

by The_best_fangirl997



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, Sadness, Unplanned Pregnancy, depressed reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_best_fangirl997/pseuds/The_best_fangirl997
Summary: "But she couldn’t help but worry, for people like him never really fell for people like her. No. people like her were treasured memories of people like him."(Y/N) had always been made to feel alone and out of place by the people around her, aside from a rare few. This doesn't change however, even when her life takes a turn for the better.She is employed to work for Tony Stark, but her life had always been chaoctic, it would have been to expect that to change. After making one seriously stupid decision, a series unfortunate events follow, trapping the poor girl in an endless loop, forcing her to cling to what is left of her life with bleeding fingers.Based on the song "She used to be mine," by Sara Bareilles





	1. Reckless

“What are you going to wear, _(Y/N)_?” the blonde woman asked from her position, lying on her back on the bed.

“I don’t know? Something slutty, obviously,” her slim fingers worked their way through the multiple coat hangers holding up a variety of different clothing of all different colours and sizes. “I am going to an Avengers staff party! My first one ever, if I am going to wear a slutty dress it also has to be classy.”

“Does it really need to be a slutty dress? Why not just wear that blue one you wore to your sister’s wedding”

“First of all, yes. Yes it does need to be a slutty dress, Abbey.” The (H/C) woman put emphasis on her name, “Second of all, I couldn’t wear that blue dress even if I wanted too.”

“And why would that be?”

“Your brother basically destroyed it when he ripped if off me that night,” Abbey pretended to gag at the new information, “Oh, shush. Which one?”

(Y/N) held two small dresses up to her body, first a black one with lace and the second a tight red one.

“Why are you asking me, I don’t wear that type of clothing,” Abbey retorted, sitting up in the bed to examine each dress before flopping back down again.

“No! But you are the master of conventional clothing, so…which one?” (Y/N) bit her lower lip waiting for her friend to give her an answer.

The blonde sighed heavily before answering bluntly, “the black one.”

“Why?”

“Ugh! Does there have to be a reason!” Abbey growled, rolling onto her side.

“Of course there has to be a reason,” (Y/N) giggled quietly, secretly enjoying her friends’ annoyed state.

“Fine!” Abbey sighed before continuing, swinging her legs over the side of the bed before sitting up facing away from the (H/C). “The red one, because you love red wine, if you spill it on yourself it will hardly show, it also goes with the red stilettoes you own and it is a rather classy slutty dress.”

“Wow, that was a very logically sound reason, I guess I have no choice but _to_ wear the dress,” (Y/N) said wide eyed.

“Cool, because you have fifteen minutes to get there” the blonde said flatly, looking at the bedside alarm clock.

“What!?” the other girl spun around to stare at the clock just to make sure she wasn’t being tricked, “oh fuck.”

She quickly pulled the grey tank top over her head, trying her best not to completely destroy her hair and makeup. Her denim shorts quickly followed fully exposing the small lace undergarments that covered her most intimate areas. Nimble fingers gently unzipped the back of the dress before she clumsily slipped her slender legs through the fabric before hiking it the rest of the way up her body.

“Can you please zip me up,” the (H/C) woman cried after several desperate attempts to zip the dress up herself.

The blonde woman stood with a roll of her eyes before stepping closely behind her friend and gently pulling zip the rest of the way up her back.

“Okay, you’re all good,” Abbey turned and grabbed the heels that were placed at the foot of the unconventionally large wardrobe that took up a little more than half of the tiny bedroom. (Y/N) quickly slipped her feet into the shoes, rising to be about a head taller than her friend.

“Right, lets go,” both girls quickly shuffled out of the tiny apartment. “Shit!” (Y/N) mumbled under her breath, quickly unlocking the door and scurrying inside for only a second before emerging and locking the door once again.

“You forget something?” Abbey asked, her pink lips pulling up into a smirk.

“Yeah, almost forgot my ID,” she held up a small card with a cord looping through a hole in the top of it. “Can’t even get into the building without it.”

“So who you thinking of sleeping with tonight?” one blonde eyebrow was perched high on her forehead, as they quickly descended the stairs, “Tony Stark, maybe?”

“Ew, No. anyway he’s engaged.”

“What about Bruce Banner?”

“Not really into anger issues,” the (H/C) woman retorted.

“Okay, so who _would_ you sleep with?” Abbey inquired, searching through her bag for her keys.

“Maybe, Captain America or the Falcon.”

“Oh, Okay,” the blonde smiled shaking her head, laughing quietly, “Did you pack some spare clothes.”

“You act as though this is my first one night stand,” Abbey’s face turned serious and her eyebrows rose ever so slightly, “Yes I packed spare clothes, jeez.”

As they exited the lobby the setting sun shone down on the city making (Y/N) feel as though it was smiling down on the earth, giving everything a happy orange glow. A warm breeze drifted through, gently lifting her (H/C) hair off her shoulders. (Y/N) closed her eyed and breathed in the intoxicating fresh air.

“Hey, daydreamer, you comin’ or what?” the (H/C) turned to see Abbey standing in the open door of her old red Nissan.

“Yeah I’m coming,” stilettoes clacking on the pavement as she quickly made her way to the passenger side door. She quickly buckled herself in and sat waiting for Abbey to turn the car on, but she didn’t. She just sat staring at her keys, long hair hanging over the side of her face. “Abbey? What’s wrong?”

“It’s just that after tonight…you’ll never work with us again, and we might never see each other again,” tears began to pool in her green orbs, “it’s just going to be so different without you, these…these people are so lucky to be getting a person like you,” gasps and sniffles interrupted her throughout her rant, but she continued, “what if you get so busy that you no longer have time for us anymore? What then?”

“Hey, hey,” (Y/N) gently wiped away the tears that managed to escape her eyes, “you guys are my family. No matter what, I will make time for you, for _all_ of you. Okay?”

“Mmhm, yeah,” she gently smiled up at her friend, before quickly glancing at the clock, “shit we gotta go!”

                           ••••

By time she got there the party was in full swing, the smell of alcohol was intense as was the sound of the music. In her hand she balanced a hefty glass of wine. She had already met the Falcon, or Sam Wilson as he had introduced himself, he was funny, like _really_ funny and she was drawn to him, but Natasha had swooped in last minute and snatched him away. Now she just felt alone, she didn’t really know anyone at the party, and even if she did they were not close enough that she would hang with them for the night.

She felt like she was in high school again, going to parties she was only just invited to, where she knew no-one and just hung around the edges getting drunk by herself.

She had emptied her glass and asked for a refill. While she was waiting by the bar the music changed to a slow paced melody which was gentle on the ears. After receiving her glass back from the bartender, she turned to watch the couples on the dance floor. Some stared into each other’s eyes with intense passion, others laughed and smiled at each other as one or both of them stuggled to figure out how to dance.

It pulled at her heartstrings, being perpetually single was a hard thing to accept, especially when everyone around her seemed to be so happy. The tears stung her eyes as they quickly pooled in her eyelids, she ducked her head and bit her lip in an attempt to calm her emotions.

“Quite a sight to behold, eh?” she jumped at the sound of a masculine voice behind her. A deep breath gathered in her lungs when she met eyes with the owner of the voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you; Steve Rogers.”

His hand seemed to swallow hers as it gently bought it to his lips, then stepped just a little closer to her and the temperature seemed to instantly rise.

“I know very well who you are, Captain Rogers,” pink dusted her cheeks as she ducked her head, he decided the colour looked good on her.

“Steve, please.” He spoke softly but with authority, it sent shivers down her spine, especially when he spun her gently toward him on the hand he had never let go of, “And who would you be?”

They were now nose-to-nose, so close she could see the little green flecks scattered around his iris. Her brain had only just recognised that he had asked her a question. A multitude of different sentences crashed into one another as she tried to respond as articulately as she could.

“I can’t really think straight right now, h-how about I get back to you on that,” _good going, you fucking idiot, you just completely destroyed your opportunity of being with Captain Fucking America, good fucking job, (Y/N)._

Her thoughts raced as she realised what she had just said to him. Her head turned away from him, internally destroying herself, she could never anticipate what he had said to her next, “Mysterious, I like it.”

“Well, if you want to head back to your room, I’m sure I could become less mysterious for you, _Captain_ ,” she purred into his ear.

“Let’s go.”

If the scent of alcohol on his breath was anything to go by, the night was about to get a bit more interesting.

                               ••••

It was still dark when she woke. She didn’t intend to stay the night, she never had before. As quietly as she could (Y/N) sat up in the bed, pulling the sheets from around her, she turned back to stare at the perfectly chiselled specimen that lay unassumingly behind her. Her heart seemed to break as she went to get up. What if she did stay, would he be sweet about it, cook her breakfast maybe? No, this wasn’t some Disney fairy-tale where everyone lives happily ever after, she learnt that at a very young age. The only thing guaranteed when you get attached to something is grief and heartache.

So even though tears blurred her vision and her breaking heart slowed her movements she got dressed into the spare clothes she brought and left denying that he, or anyone would ever _really_ fall in love with her, or even like her for who she really was.

After a short elevator ride down, she quickly moved outside into the cool, brisk early morning air. Almost as if the Gods could see her heart they began cry with her, allowing her tears to blend in, just like she did.

_She was reckless, just enough._


	2. Lies

“And you know what happened next!?” Abbey almost yelled, a grin splitting across her face. After work she had rushed over to (Y/N)’s apartment to tell her about the amazing things that had happened that day.

  
“What happened next?” the (H/C) woman asked flatly only half listening. Even though it had been almost a month and half since the staff party, she could not keep her mind from wandering back to the night she spent with the Captain.

  
He had no idea that it was her who he slept with, though he could vaguely describe the woman, and once he did so amongst his teammates, that earned her some questionable looks.

  
“The Winter Soldier walked in. So this guy is holding a gun to Kathy’s head and basically shits himself when he sees who walks in. Then out of the blue, Kathy grabbed the gun out of the guy’s hand and broke his arm on the counter!” Kathy was a small plump lady with black hair and a voice that made up for her height, who owned the Daniel’s Diner in Brooklyn.

  
“Wait-wait, what, the Winter Soldier came into the diner? Why was he there?” this had her interested, what if they were scoping out her previous place of employment to see if she was worth keeping, this very thought had shivers running down her spine like shockwaves.

  
“Said something about a black coffee, one sugar,” the blonde smirked gleefully at her friend.

  
“Oh, okay. At least everyone got out okay,” (Y/N) huffed quietly before lying down on the sofa.

  
“That’s it! At least everyone got out okay? Kathy broke a dude’s arm after he held a gun to her head! That’s awesome! Why are you being so laidback about this?” Abbey was fed up with her friends moping, she barely got to see her anymore and when she did she was always so bleak.

  
“I mean it-it sounds like it was adventure,” Abbey stood above her, a serious frown etched into her usually happy features.

  
“I think you’re depressed,” an accusatory figure waved in front of (Y/N)’s face.

  
“You got me,” a sad smile graced her lips as she lifted her hands in mock surrender.

  
“Then we need to do something fun,” as excited as a puppy, Abbey pulled (Y/N) to her feet before running to get their shoes and keys.

  
“Abbey, I really appreciate the thought. Really, I do, but I’m really tired and frankly a little dizzy, I’d rather just stay in, maybe catch up on some sleep.”

  
“Nope! Not an option,” Abbey dropped the (H/C)’s shoes at her feet, “we’re going shopping, you’ve got enough money, now, to treat yourself just a little bit.”

  
(Y/N) had barely finished slipping on her shoes before the blonde was tugging her out the door. (Y/N) shook her head, a smirk creeping upon her lips and she watched her friend basically bounce down the stairs, unaware that she was still a few paces behind her.

  
“Come on, (Y/N), it’ll be night time by the time we get back if you keep this up,” a loud _thump_ made Abbey pause, “(Y/N)?” when she couldn’t see her friend behind her heartrate began to pick up. “(Y/N) this isn’t funny,”  
Quickly she began to climb the stairs. Though air forced its way into her lungs, Abbey felt like she was suffocating.

(Y/N) was crumpled on the floor, barely even breathing. She ran forward pulling her friend into her arms before pulling her phone from her pocket.

  
“Hello? Yes I need an ambulance, please! My friend, she just collapsed!”

  
                               ••••

  
When she woke it was strange. She was blinded by white light and loud machines blared in her ears. As her vision cleared she noticed a very stressed blonde perched in the seat beside the bed that she was in.

  
“Hey,” she giggled at the blonde’s startled reaction.

  
“Oh, Jesus. You’re okay,” Abbey gently cupped the other girls hand and tiredly placed her forehead upon it, “you scared the shit out of me, you know that?”

  
“What just then!” the (H/C) girl snickered quietly.

  
“Don’t you remember? You collapsed! The doctors said that there could be several things really wrong with you,” her eyes were bloodshot from the scenarios that had caused tears to prick at her eyes, “they’ve done some blood tests but the results are supposed to come back today, they said that you could die.”

  
“What if I lose my job?” the seriousness of the situation settled on her chest like a pile of bricks and seemed to pull her brain with it.

  
“Your job!? That’s what you’re worried about, not like, I don’t know, your life, maybe?” Abbey cried leaning in toward her face, arms thrown in the air.

  
“Am I interrupting something?” a soft voice broke the tension that lingered between the two women. A nurse with a soft face was holding an orange clip board that seemed to be overflowing with paper, gently smiled while looking at the two women.

  
“Not at all, come in,” (Y/N) said gently, eyeing her friend cautiously as the moment of truth seemed inevitable.

  
The nurse quietly walked to the bedside monitors and checked all the charts before opening the clipboard and attempting to speak.

  
“You have the blood test results, don’t you?” the tone that she used (Y/N) could hardly believe it was Abbey speaking.

  
“I do, but I promise you it is nothing horrendous,” the nurse said calmly.

  
“What is it then,” her voice sounded so weak that (Y/N) was surprised that she even made a sound at all.

  
“Well, I would just like to say congratulations, to you miss (L/N), as our results show, you are about six weeks pregnant.”

  
“What?” everything seemed to go in slow motion as (Y/N) tried to process the information that she’d just been given. _Pregnant! Pregnant! That meant-no-no-no NO! What about her job? What about her life? What about her money?_ She placed a hand over her eyes trying to keep from crying.

  
“You have been discharged, you can leave when you’re ready,” with that the nurse seemed to understand and quickly left the room.

  
It was silent in the room aside from (Y/N)’s choked sobs. Abbey had no clue what to do, she had never seen her friend this upset, let alone cry. Lost for words she quietly made her way over to sit on the side of the bed and brought the smaller girl into her arms. “Shh, shh. It’s alright, it’s alright. You’ll get through this. Come on, let’s get you dressed, then we can talk.”

  
(Y/N) could do nothing but nod. The blonde pulled some clothes out of her bag and within minutes both women were making their way toward the exit.

  
“I get that this is big for you, but I’m sure it’s not that bad, right?” Abbey asked quietly as quickly exited the old building. “I mean I get that you don’t know who the father is, but lots of kids grow up without dads, I mean my brother, he grew up without a dad and he’s fine.”

  
“That’s not the problem,” her (E/C) orbs were locked on the ground as they walked as if it was the most interesting pavement in all of New York.

  
“Then what is the problem? That you know who the father is? How is that even remotely a problem at all!?” Abbey was almost shouting, she always hated people who made no attempt to look for optimism. This drew some strange looks from a few kids who happened to walk by.

  
“Because think! What was six weeks ago?!” the words seemed to leave her mouth before she could even think about the harshness that was in her voice.

  
“I don’t know? I don’t exactly keep track of your schedule, now do I,” sarcasm dripped from her words as they seemed to move further and further from the answer to her original question.

  
“The Avengers staff party, where I slept with-,” her voice broke before she could even think to say his name. _How could she have done this to him? He was kind and wonderful and she had taken advantage of him._

  
“(Y/N),” her voice rich with concern, she reached forward and took hold of her friend’s hand, both women stopping in the middle of the path, “who did you sleep with?”

  
Tears leapt from her eyes as she tried to muster up the courage to even say his name, “Captain America.” Though whispered, the name shattered her heart and rattled her body with such force she thought she may collapse again.

  
Silence. Abbey could not even focus on one thought for more than a second. Her best friend had slept with The Symbol of Freedom himself and was now pregnant with his baby. Her mouth opened and closed in empty attempts to comfort her friend or ask her questions that she needed the answers to, but instead she asked the one question she did know the answer to – “How are you going to tell him.”

  
 _She’s not_ , Abbey thought solemnly squeezing the smaller girls hand gently.

  
“I’m not going to,” her (e/c) eye’s bored sorrowfully into Abbey’s gentle green ones, “but I have to figure out what’s going to happen with my job.”

  
“Again with the job!? I think that’s the least of your problems right now!” Abbey began to walk again, when a couple struggled to get passed the two, pulling (Y/N) with her.

  
“You don’t understand! I don’t have permanency! I could work up until my maternity leave and then just be fired,” fear settled in the pit of her stomach as she contemplated this very possible outcome.

  
“Well I guess you’re going to have to talk to your boss,” her face quickly softened pulling the broken girl into a tight embrace before continuing down the path again.

  
                           ••••  
The air-conditioning was blissfully cold against her warm skin as she walked into the building. The temperature had risen considerable and the weather man said that the high temperatures were likely to continue. It was her first day back at work since she had found out, and she just wanted to get the employment issues out of the way before anything else happened.

  
It was easier said than done. She was Tony Stark’s secretary which meant she had a very hectic lifestyle. Always working, writing reports, running errands, going all over the place. _What if she told him and he fired her on the spot?_ She thought, fear pooling in her stomach.

  
She stopped just outside the glass doors to his office. _What if he did? She would have to go back to waitressing and live off minimum wage the rest of her life_. It was now or never, she gently pushed open the door and walked in as quietly as she could, careful not disturb him as he read through some articles on his tablet. She felt a little relief when he didn’t seem notice her.

  
“Hello, miss (L/N),” _she spoke to soon_ , “How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t need to arrive early.” She was only about ten minutes early, but apparently that was _too_ early for him.

  
“Yes, of course Mister Stark,” she replied politely, quickly settling herself at the considerably smaller desk in the room.

  
“Y’know, I got a call from a hospital yesterday saying that you may not be able to work for medical reasons, is that true? Because you look fine to me.”

  
 _Shit_ , she thought, _just tell him the truth_.  
“I-um, I was admitted to hospital on Saturday because I collapsed but there is really nothing wrong with me and it won’t impact my work at all really,” she hurried to try and calm her nerves as she slowly worked her way towards the reveal.

  
“Alright then, what’s _not_ wrong with you then?” the smirk on his face was ever present throughout her rant and she could barely believe that she was a little scared of this man.

  
“I-uh,” she swallowed thickly and closed her eyes, “I’m pregnant.” _With your friends kid_ she finished in head.

  
“Oh, congratulations,” he said nonchalantly, she wasn’t even sure he had taken his eyes of the tablet in front of him.

  
She was surprised to say the least, _was this a usual thing? Or did he really not care?_

  
“I wanted to talk about my employment-“  
“Let me just stop you there,” _oh no_ , she thought, _this was it_. “Don’t talk to me about employment, you’ll have to talk to Miss Potts, as she was the one who employed you.” The side of his lips quirked up into a generous half smirk before he swivelled around in his chair and picked up the phone pressing a button and saying a few quick words before turning back to her. “You can head up there now, if you like.”

  
“Oh, thank you, Mister Stark,” she said softly quickly shuffling out from behind the desk.

  
“One more thing,” she stopped dead in her tracks, slowly turning around to face him, “who’s the lucky man?”

  
“I-uh, I don’t know,” she smiled sadly at the older man and he returned the favour before ushering her off with the wave of his hand.

  
Even though she was only going up a floor, the elevator seemed to take it’s time. She was so terrified of what Miss Potts would say, that she started worrying about little things; like how she looked, if her skirt was too short, or if her blouse was to low. Her heart challenged her thoughts to a race through her body, it wasn’t until the quiet ding of the doors opening did she realise that the elevator had in fact stopped.

  
She stepped out into the corridor, seeing the office at the very end, she made her way as quickly as she could down until a name on another door caught her eye. _Captain. Steve Rogers_. Her mind went blank, she just stood there, staring at the name, her brain telling her to keep walking, while her heart said to open the door and confess the truth to him, if he was even in there. Her hand reached out ever so slightly to grab the handle.

  
“Miss (L/N)?” she whipped her head up to see a beautiful, thin, strawberry blonde woman standing a few feet away from her, “you came to see me?”

  
“Yes, sorry I got lost in my thoughts,” she apologised quickly, stepping away from the door.

  
“Tony told me that you wanted to discuss some employment issues with me?” she opened the door to her office and waited for (Y/N) to step inside. She quickly made her way through the door, watching as Miss Potts gracefully made her way behind her desk and gestured to take a seat, “so why did this come up? I thought your contract stated that your permanency would be determined after a year of supervision.”

  
“Well, I-um, I,” she bit her lip not knowing what was going to happen once she revealed her predicament, “I have fallen pregnant. So I wanted to discuss what might happen to my permanency when I go on maternity leave?”

  
The thin woman nodded knowingly, brows set low on her forehead indicating she was deep in thought. “Well it would be determined by your work. From what I’ve seen already, you appear to be a very diligent worker. So if you work hard and show me that you are capable of sustaining this position, I will grant you early permanency before your maternity leave and you can catch up on work when you return. Does that work for you?”

  
(e/c) eyes lit up as the words of gratitude seemed to escape her, the blonde woman just smiled. “Thank you so much- you have no idea how much that helps me,” she couldn’t believe this was happening, things were finally looking up for her.

  
“Now, Tony is having a meeting with Fury in about-“ she paused and looked at the little, silver watch on her wrist, “eight minutes. I’ll clean up your contract and I hope that, all goes well for you and your little one.”  
“Thank you so much,” her face was red with delight as she smiled kindly at the older woman before quickly rushing out the door.

  
                              ••••  
The meeting seemed to drag on forever. Paper stuck out from every available opening in her folder as notes from the meeting quickly flowed onto the pages. By the time the meeting had finished, the sun was almost entirely hidden by the horizon. Her heels clicked on the marble tiles as she made her way toward the elevator, mind buried in the notes she’d written. A strong hand on her shoulder broke her from her thoughts causing her to jump.

  
“Go home, you can finish the report tomorrow,” kindness seemed to ooze from his deep brown eyes as he smiled down at her.

  
“Oh, okay, thank you, Mister Stark,” she said quietly ducking her head, smiling kindly.

  
“Tony, please,” he corrected, nodding to her before walking off up the stairs to the left of the elevator toward the Avengers common room.

  
As soon as he was out of sight she pulled out her phone that had been annoyingly buzzing throughout the entire meeting. Fourteen missed calls from Kathy. _That’s odd_ , she thought eyebrows knitting in concern, _Kathy never calls during business hours…something must’ve happened to the store._

  
Hurrying, she dialled the woman’s number and anxiously waited in the elevator as the ringing continued until a broken voice asked quietly.

  
“(Y/N)?”

  
“Yes? Kathy are you alright? What happened,” Kathy was the strongest person (Y/N) knew, even out of the men she knew. Kathy was a fighter and always said that she never wasted time on crying. She had been like a mother to both Abbey and herself.

  
“It’s Abbey,” this was followed by a serious of gasps and sobs.

  
“What about her?” the doors opened on the ground level and the (h/C) woman exited quickly.

  
“She’s dead. She was hit by a bus this morning, when she left work. She was going to see you.”

  
The phone slipped from her hand as her knees gave way underneath her. It was as if all air had been forced out of her lungs all at once. Her head hung dangerously close to the ground as her arms only just kept her from hitting the cold surface, she didn’t think she would have noticed either way. Endless tears flowed down her cheeks falling into her mouth that refused to close. _This is all a bad dream_ , she thought¸ _this isn’t real._

  
She didn’t know how long she stayed there until someone came along and helped her out of the building. She noticed Kathy had never hung up the phone.

  
“Kathy?” her voice gave out, so the name sounded more like a breath of air than a word.

  
“The funerals’ on Sunday.” She said flatly before the line went dead.

  
                               ••••

  
Rain was pouring the entire day on Sunday, not one ray of sun managed to sneak through the thick cloud. All of Abbey’s family and friends were there all blaming themselves for her death in some way. But (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel as though it was actually her fault.

  
After the casket was lowered most people had left, except for a few family members, but when the rain grew heavier even they left. (Y/N) was the last one there, staring at the gravestone with empty eyes, hoping, praying that somehow this was not her best friend.

  
        _Here lies Abbey Monique Braddshaw, a_

_beautiful, happy, fun loving young girl_

_who will be missed by all who she made_

_contact with in her short life._

_  
1994 – 2017_

  
“I’m going to be okay,” her voice was weak as she tried to hold back tears. She gently placed her hand on her lower abdomen, “we’re going to be okay.”  
  
_She is good, but she lies._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed.  
> Please leave a comment on what you liked and what I could fix, thank you so much!


	3. Lonely

Days seemed to flow into one another and before (Y/N) knew it, three months had passed. Doctor visits after ultrasounds after vaccinations told her the same thing - the baby was healthy, very healthy. They always said the same thing, “you must have good genes.” It made her smile the first time she heard it, but now it was old and she could barely stand it.

  
Life got hectic and her workload increased majorly, without Abbey, life also got boring and bland. (Y/N) had lost the one person, who, without a doubt, could always make her smile. Even if it was only for a second.

  
Now it seemed that every ledge, every high-up open window or balcony, beckoned her towards it, promising to reunite best friends once again. But she could never do it, for she was no longer living for just herself, and she knew it would just be a selfish act if she did.

  
It had been another long day, two meetings, and two reports on each, one negative one positive outcome report. She had finally finished her positive report on the second meeting. Fingers tapping away on the keyboard she found herself lost in her own words, her brain switching off as the report seemed to write itself.

  
The only thing that woke her was when Tony walked it from his ‘break’. It was late in the afternoon and she knew he had come to tell her that she should go home and finish it tomorrow. But he didn’t.

  
He just sat at his desk looking at blueprints for a new invention, occasionally glancing at her from the corner of his eye. It was odd, but she put up with it, so long as she could get the report done today and not have to finish it on the weekend or have to catch up on Monday.

  
“You’re such an amazing worker, you know that?” he said quietly. He was now facing directly toward her, brown eyes sweeping over her concentrated features.

  
“Um…thanks?” nervously she smiled at him, not exactly knowing what he was trying to do.

  
“I’m not hitting on you, I promise,” he smirked at her, hands coming up in mock surrender before his face went serious. “I want to invite you to dinner tonight, I want to properly introduce you to everyone.”

  
“Oh-ah, thank you for the invitation, but I don’t really have anything to wear,” she self-consciously placed her hand on reasonably visible bump.

  
“Please, it’s not really a formal event, just wear what you’re wearing now,” he pointed to the simple blue blouse she wore. “I will rephrase it, come up to dinner tonight.”

  
“Oh, o-okay, sure,” she smiled sweetly up at him as he got up from his desk and walk toward the door.

  
“Cool, it’ll be ready in about an hour, but everyone’s already up there, so come up when you’re ready.” The door slowly swung closed after he left and (Y/N) just sat there perplexed, _why was he being so nice to her?_ She’d been told by the down stairs receptionist that the last few secretary’s he had he’d fired them, apparently for minor mishaps in their personal lives, so why on earth was he giving her this much slack? It could’ve been because, according to Pepper, she was the hardest work secretary he’d ever had.

  
Even though her mind was screaming at her not to go, she packed up her things and headed toward the elevator.

  
She could have easily taken the stairs as it was only two floors up, but her pregnancy was taking more energy out of than she was aware could be in the human body. When she arrived voices echoed down the hallway, _it sounds like they’re enjoying themselves, probably shouldn’t ruin that_. She was reaching for the ‘close doors’ button when a voice called out to her.

  
“(Y/N), how nice of you to join us,” it was Tony, F.R.I.D.A.Y must’ve told him of her arrival, “come on, everyone wants to meet you.”

  
She sighed heavily before slowly walking out. Every Avenger that she had ever seen or heard about was right there in front of her, all looking up at her with expectant eyes. It was over-whelming. She could feel the sick in the back of her throat, but she smiled politely when Tony introduced her.

  
“Hey, were you at the staff party a couple months back?” asked a dark-skinned man who was currently stretched out on one of the larger couches in the room. She identified him as Sam Wilson.

  
“Yes, yes I was.”

  
“Ha, told ya, Terminator. You owe me ten bucks,” he held out his hand to the dark head man across from him, who dramatically slapped the money into his hand with a displeased expression on his face.

  
They all went back to their previous conversations after chuckling at the interaction between the two, save for a fiery red head who sat silently watching her with cautious eyes, but when (Y/N) saw her staring she looked away.

  
Tony came up to her and took her brief case, which held her laptop, and placed it by the door, smiling kindly as he did. “Someone get a chair for the girl, I mean come on are there even any gentlemen here?” sarcasm fell from the older man’s lips as her carefully ushered her closer to the rest of the group with a hand on her lower back.

  
“she can have my seat,” golden blond hair and soft blue eyes stood high above her as his deep voice seemed to echo around her mind.

  
“Oh no, i-its fine,” she knew she was blushing as she averted her eyes from him, knowing full well if she stared she’d burst into tears.

  
“Please I insist,” she couldn’t argue with that, so she moved forward to take the recently occupied seat. As she walked passed him she couldn’t help but notice he smelled quite different from what she remembered. He smelled clean but earthy, like rain during a draught. She smiled at him and pink lightly dusted her cheeks before she looked away again. He decided it looked good on her.

  
Conversations ran freely between each member, and before long she felt comfortable in their presence. Small questions came up, of which she was happy to answer. That was until the topic of family came up. Most of them had relatively messy childhoods and others had downright disturbing past lives. Finally the question came around to her, and she couldn’t deny the prick of panic in the back of her mind as she wondered if they would dislike her for ‘fitting in’ with them.

  
 _What if Tony just wants an ordinary person, one who came from a normal family with a normal life_ , the thought distressed her a little.

  
“So what about your life, (Y/N),” Rhodey asked looking at her expectantly, all the others soon followed suit.

  
“There’s not much to know really, I’m just a blank slate,” nervously she tried to find an out. She hated talking about herself, especially her past, she was definitely not proud of that. But after a chorus of light protest from the others she felt that she had no other choice.

  
“Well, I-uh, I grew up in a little town in Florida, I’m not a red-neck though, trust me,” a small chuckle moved through the room at her statement and she calmed down just tiny bit. “I am the youngest in my family, one older sister and three older brothers, all of which are quite butch. They get it from my dad, I seemed to get my mother’s share. Because of that my dad saw me as the ‘runt’ of the family, and I guess my siblings thought they could take advantage of that so they used to beat me up.”

  
She paused only for a moment preparing herself for the emotional trauma she had to relive, “My dad didn’t really care about me at all, so I used to go to parties, and I still did up until a few months ago. I used to get drunk and sleep with people, I was always careful though, most of the time, other times I was just lucky.”

  
“And one day, I guess my dad found out that I slept around, and he said something that I’ll never forget. He said, “You either find a way to re-purify yourself, or you get out of this house, you take your whore things and you leave this family.” So I did. I got my things and went to live with Kathy who owned the diner I worked at. One day she got a call from an old friend saying that his wife had just died and he needed some help. So she packed up everything, sold the diner and took me and everything else she could and moved here to New York, opened up a new diner of the same name, and employed me and her friend’s daughter, who as late was my best friend. My father has never spoken to me since, and that five years ago,” a sad smile crossed her face as tears threatened to spill, silence filled the room as all of them stared at her with cloudy eyes.

  
“I think I’m going to get some air,” she blurted out quickly before anyone could say anything, hurrying toward the balcony. She had no idea why she had told them, she had only told Abbey about her past after two years of knowing her. She had told these people basically straight up.

  
The wind was blowing gently, the cool November air seeming to aid her heated skin. Deep breaths escaped her lungs as she desperately racked her brain for an excuse to leave that wouldn’t raise too many eyebrows.

  
“It’s Rogers’, isn’t it?” the deep feminine voice was unmistakably Natasha. The red head made her way over to the edge of the balcony near where (Y/N) was standing.

  
“What are you talking about?” her anxiety made her eyes grow wide, she knew, and if she knew who else knew.

  
“The kid, its Steve’s, _Isn’t_ it?” it was less of a question and more of an accusation. She turned her head to stare into (Y/N)’s eyes, showing she held no hostility in her own deep green pair.

  
“it is,” swallowing thickly she turned to look back at the city lights that were now coming on as the sun completely disappeared behind the ocean, making the city look more like a something you would see in a dream, “Does he know?”

  
“Most of the people in that room know, or think they know, lucky for you Rogers isn’t one of them,” a hand settled gently on the (h/c) left shoulder, looking up, she was met with the dangerously serious features of the red head, “ But you need to tell him.”

  
Nothing else was said before she left, leaving her in the company of only her thoughts and the wind, or so she thought. She could feel eyes on her, looking over her shoulder, she would have preferred to see the glint of a murderer’s weapon, than the innocent face and kind smile she was met with.

  
“Beautiful, isn’t it,” he nodded his head to the city scape, she usually would have smiled and agreed but not one happy thought had entered her mind since Natasha had spoken to her, the woman’s words ringing through her head.

  
“Yeah, but beauty never lasts,” blunt and pessimistic, not what she was hoping to say to him.

  
“Maybe, but that what makes it beautiful,” _God_ he was perfect. She turned her face away from him, she didn’t think that she could stand to look at him.

  
“I really should be going,” she turned on her heel and quickly made her way toward the door, she didn’t want be around him. No, that wasn’t it. She did want to be around him. She just couldn’t stand the guilt to do so.

  
“Well let me take you home,” she didn’t have to look at him to know he held a kind smile and hope burning bright in those baby blues.

  
“No, i-it’s fine, really it’s only a short walk from here,” trying with all her might to stop him from being sweet to her, because she knew she wasn’t worth it.

  
“Then allow me to walk you there,” she was looking at him now, he still held his smile, but his eyes burned with intense stubbornness. She knew she wasn’t going to win, “I’m not asking.”

  
“Alright,” barely a whisper, but somehow he’d still heard it. His eyes lit up, smile growing ever so slightly.

  
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?”

  
“No, I’m pretty sure I’ll be sick if I eat anything,” it was true, morning sickness had not been kind to her, sometimes even just the smell of food caused it, so he escorted her out of the building and back out into the cool night air.

  
The walk to her apartment was relatively quiet, aside from some small questions he sprung upon her. She noticed some weren’t even questions, more like observations. _Was he watching me?_ A tingle worked its way up her body, and for once in her life she felt at ease.

  
“This is me,” she pointed to the faded brown door. A light sheen of sweat had settled on her brow as they had to walk up the stairs, as the elevator was down for repairs.

  
“Alright, I’ll see you on Monday then,” he just stood there staring at her like he wanted to say something else to her, she raised an eyebrow eyes darting between him and the stair well. “Well I’ll be off.” He quickly darted to the stair way, she could have sworn she saw a faint blush on his cheeks, it made her smile.

  
The door squeaked quietly as she gently pushed it open, her hand ran along the right wall, searching for the light before switching in on and walking into the tiny space. A sigh caressed her lips as it slipped out, she closed her door and began to get ready for bed.

  
She folded some laundry she’d been putting off, keeping some clothes out to get changed into. Once she was dressed and the clothes were folded she went in search of something to eat. Pregnancy limited what she could eat, but her stomach was not tolerating much either, so some steamed vegetables and some well cooked chicken was what she hoped she was going to be able to eat, without having to wake up in the middle of the night to throw it all back up again.

  
She couldn’t help but feel something pulling at her heart as she looked out the window. In a few months she would have to raise a human being all by herself and hope Lthat they turned out alright. Loneliness was something she had dealt with her entire life, but in that moment it seemed to swallow up her entire being and isolate her from any connection she had with anyone.

  
 _I_ _should_ _just_ _go_ _to_ _bed_ , she thought solemnly nodding her head in affirmation, quickly finished her dinner, before heading toward her bedroom. She had one leg on the bed when a knock came at the door.

  
Groaning loudly she stomped over to the door, prepared to yell something very rude at whoever was at her door at this time of night, granted it wasn’t that late, but she quite was upset and wanted to be left alone, so, the quicker she could get rid of them the quicker she could return to bed.

  
Shock swept through her when she opened the door. Golden blond hair and soft blue eyes stared back at her, worry projected on the baby blues.

  
“(Y/N), if you’re not busy tomorrow, would you- ah, would you like to grab like to-uh grab a coffee with me?” his eyes pleaded with her to agree. She wasn’t even sure she had heard him right, _He wanted to go out with me?_

  
“Are you asking me on a date?” she wasn’t sure she was even awake.

  
“Yes, yes I am. I- uh I-I-I know this lovely place next to the park, we could walk around if you like?” she could see he was nervous, he spoke very fast like he was trying to get all the words out at once “Nat-uh, Nat said you were single and I-uh, I’ve fancied you for a little while now, and wanted to-y’know?”

  
“Ask me out?” she finished, an awe struck smile washing across her face.

  
“Yeah!” he winced at how loud he responded, ducking his head as red dusted checks and scratched the back of his neck, “So is that a yes?”

  
“Yes, yes it is. I’ll meet you there about nine, yeah?” she leaned on the door frame for fear her legs might cave beneath her, smile splitting across her face as she stared up at the gorgeous man in front of her.

  
“Well, I-I’ll see then,” He flashed his teeth at her before disappearing down the stair well again, but not before he took her in one more time.

  
A deep sigh escaped her lips as a gentle smile brightened her features, then she felt it. It resembled someone lightly brushing their fingertip across the stomach, then it happened again and again. The baby, it was moving! Must be reacting to its daddy, she thought, tears springing to her eyes.

  
                           ••••

  
“Your dad sounds like he was a bit of a monster,” voice laced with concern Steve looked at her with sorry eyes, looking adorable especially since he had managed to get ice-cream on the very tip of his nose.

  
“He was a little, had very particular views and opinions of the world and if we disagreed with him, we were wrong and he would make sure we knew it.” She stopped walking and gently swiped the food off his nose.

  
“Oh, thank you, I didn’t even see that,” he chuckled lightly, wiping his nose with his fingers just in case she’d missed some. Steve had managed to get her to talk about her past, and most importantly her father. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a bit of personal question,”

  
“I thought you already had, but go ahead,” everything about the day had been beautiful, even she felt beautiful. She didn’t feel uncomfortable around him at all, she felt relaxed talking about her past and her family, without fear of being judged.

  
“Do you really not know who the father of your baby is?” the question caught her off guard, she almost fell over her own feet.

  
Her mind freaked out as she searched for something to say to him, _the father of your baby just asked if you know who the father is!_ She screamed at herself, her mouth opened and closed as she desperately tried to say something.

  
“No…not exactly,” _oh great, now you’re going to have to tell him!_

  
“Wait. So you do know who the father is?” his confusion hurt her heart as her mind went wild. _What if he figures it out and he never wants to talk to you again._

  
“Yeah, sort of. But he doesn’t know and I don’t think he’d want to know,” she stopped walking a sombre look plastered on her face, tears began to form in her eyes as she continued staring at the cracked concrete beneath her feet, “He’s a very busy man, and he’s a good man, and I know if I told him I’d ruin his life.”

  
Strong arms enclosed around her waist and she buried her face into his strong chest as she fought to keep the tears at bay. Steve knew it would probably be all over magazine covers tomorrow morning but he didn’t care. He felt a connection to this woman, one he had never had before, not even with Peggy, and he swore that he would try to keep her safe as long as he was in her life.

  
She pulled away and looked up into his soft blue eyes, she smiled gently, and wiped some of the tears that had managed to escape her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean cry on you.”

  
“Hey it’s okay,” his hands lingered on her hips as his eyes darted between hers and her lips. “It’s okay, I don’t care, and it’s just a shirt… Are you okay?”

  
His concern sent shivers down her spine, _how can someone be this perfect?_ It was the one question she was continuously asking herself, how could he even begin to see anything beautiful in me.

  
“Steve,” she squeaked out quietly.

  
“Yeah?” his hand came to rest on her jaw, thumb absentmindedly stoking her cheek.

  
“I-I’m scared,” she swallowed thickly, the truth always terrified her, but she knew it had to be said although her mouth found other ways to say it and it cut her open to know he didn’t understand at all.

  
“Of what,” his face was terribly close, she could feel little puffs of air on her face.

  
“Of being a mother. I have to raise this-this human all on my own and I don’t even know what I’m doing, what if I destroy this kid and they can never have a normal life, what if-” Soft lips cut her sentence short, tears streamed from her wide eyes before she eventually relaxed into the kiss. She had never been so intoxicated by a feeling in her life. The entire world around them seemed to melt away, the only thing that existed in that moment was him and her.

  
When they broke away he was staring at her with something she had never seen in someone’s eyes before;

  
 _Love_.

  
She pulled away and began quickly walking back toward her apartment building before his hand encased her own and made her stop.

  
“Steve,” she worried her lip with her lower lip, trying unsuccessfully to prevent anymore tears from spilling.

  
“(Y/N), I want to be there for you…for both of you,” he gently turned her around making her face him placing his hand on her bump. She tried to ignore the rush that flushed through her when he did.

  
“I can’t ask-“

  
“You’re not asking anything of me,” the hand on her bump moved to cup her face, “but I am asking you. (Y/N), please, let me be there for you.”

  
“Why?” the word tore itself from her lips before she could stop it, as did the ones following, “Why do you even care about me?” she expected him to drop her hand, turn and never come back, as many before him had. But he stood still staring deep into her (e/c) orbs.

  
“Because I do, and I don’t know why I do,” his eyes dropped to where his hand met hers, “I feel something when I look at you, a connection I’ve never felt with anyone. So, if you’ll allow me to, I would like to be there for you.”

  
(Y/N) had no words. No-one had ever been this kind to her in her life, not even Kathy. Her lip quivered as she tried to find some-way to oppose him, to stop him from doing this for her, but she couldn’t. This meant a lot to him, _she_ meant a lot to him. She hated that he would do that for her, throw away his own life to make sure hers was okay. Something fluttered in her chest and she wanted to scream. _She was in love._

  
“Okay,” she said quietly, softly nodding her head. Tears cascaded down her cheeks again when he placed a soft chaste kiss on her lips. She didn’t want to enjoy it, but she did.

  
“C’mon, let’s get you home,” it was late in the afternoon, they had spent almost all day in the park, she’d enjoyed it. She had never met anyone quiet like Steve. He was kind, selfless, handsome, gentle, optimistic, and above all, was interested in her. This did nothing to calm the guilt she felt for taking advantage of him, if anything it had increased it.

  
She didn’t know if he knew, he was acting like he knew, but she couldn’t be sure. _Maybe he was just being nice. Being really, really, really nice_ , she kept telling herself this to the point where she was sure it was true.

  
He didn’t take his eyes off her the entire walk back to her apartment. It made her blush, _why was he so perfect?_ He smiled sweetly even when he could see that she was terrified or sad.

  
“Something on your mind?” there was and she hated that he’d sensed it.

  
“I just feel like I’m making you do this,” her back was turned to him, fingers clamped around her door handle, ready to just sprint inside and wait for him to go away.

  
“You’re not,” he stepped into her peripheral vision, tilting her head up to meet his lips, “I want to.” He smiled sweetly down at her, making her chuckle, she wasn’t sure how he had this effect on her.

  
“I can’t believe you,” she really couldn’t, people like him just did not exist, but here he was.

  
“Go get some rest, you look tired. I’ll see you on Thursday,” he kissed her lips once more and quickly made his way down the stairs.

  
Once she was settled back into her home she couldn’t help but feel the tendrils of loneliness strangle her heart, it felt like she was suffocating. _Why was he like that? Why did he like me? Why did he care so much? Did he know? Did someone tell him? What if he doesn’t know? What will he do when he finds out?_ Question after question raced through her head as she laid in her bed horribly aware of how empty the space felt. Her lips tingled and her heart ached, but the question that made her heart stop was…

  
_What if one day he just leaves and never comes back?_

  
Anxiety settled over her being as she desperately begged for sleep to consume her and keep her from worrying about him. But she couldn’t help but worry, for people like him never really fell for people like her. No. people like her were treasured memories of people like him.  
  
_She is lonely most of the time._


	4. Broken

It had been a lovely four months that she had spent learning more about the people she worked with. She spent most of her time with Steve outside of work, most nights they’d either order take out, find a nice bench in the park and talk for hours, or they’d return too one of their apartments and attempt to put together baby furniture. She loved it when he surprised her with her favourite foods or cravings, especially when he showed up right after he had returned from a mission.

  
The Avengers had taken her under their wing, accepting her as one of their own, they treated her like the family she always wanted. Tony was like her dad, always checking in on her and the baby. Every morning he’d ask “How’s bub?” it was sweet and (Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that always broke out on her face, before she’d inform him of any updates. Natasha became like the big sister she could always count on for advice, helping her keep the baby daddy information under wraps. Everyone else fit into the mix somewhere, none of them any less important.

  
Things were finally looking up for her.

  
Because she was nearing the start of her maternity leave (Y/N) began to get worried, but Pepper had reassured her that her position was safe, so long as she was in charge.

  
It was a swell Friday afternoon, the last shift before (Y/N) went on leave and it had been a very quiet productive day for her. She was finishing her last report, her fingers skilfully tapping away as she made the finishing touches, eyes barely looking away from the screen. She only looked up when Sharon Carter, a lower level agent walked into the room.

  
(Y/N) didn’t like Sharon one bit, she had her eyes on Steve and everyone could see it, except for Steve of course. It seemed that the feeling was mutual. _Of course she knew about the baby, everyone knew, someone must’ve told her_ , (Y/N) thought before looking up at the blonde woman, before narrowing her eyes at her.

  
“I didn’t think you had access to this part of the tower?” (Y/N) quipped pointedly making sure that Sharon knew she wasn’t in the mood to argue about anything, especially Steve.

  
“Don’t think I’m here because I like you,” the blonde woman pulled an envelope from her back pocket.

  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she smiled sarcastically, eyeing the envelope cautiously as if it contained something within it could spell the end of her existence, and the fact that it was coming from Sharon it probably was.

  
“Steve sent me up,” the envelope swapped hands and (Y/N) examined it carefully. There was no writing on it whatsoever, but it held a small amount of weight to it, like it held more than just paper.

  
“Why’d he send you up, why didn’t he come up by himself, and you of all people,” she didn’t even look at the blonde woman who hadn’t moved from her place in front of her desk.

  
“well for starters, he is in a debriefing with Fury, I happened to walk in and he gave it to me and told me to give it to you, and secondly, because unlike you, Steve trusts people who should be trusted,” her blonde hair whipped over her shoulder as she turned on her heel and headed for the door, only stopping when she (Y/N)’s voice piped in.

  
“What’s in it?”

  
“No idea,” Sharon peered over her shoulder meeting (Y/N)’s eyes for the first time, “he said, it was for your eyes only,” with that she left, disappearing just as suddenly as she came.

  
(Y/N) only opened the envelope when she was sure she was gone, though she doubted it was actually from Steve and just another one of Sharon’s devious plans to break the two up. The paper tore easily under her fingers, there was nothing really special about the contents of the envelope just a single piece of paper and the spare key to the apartment. (Y/N) was at a loss wondering what the letter could contain, _was this a weird way of him asking you to move in with him?_

  
She hastily unfolded the letter anticipation bubbling in her chest with every second she wasted.

  
_My Dearest, (Y/N)_

_  
There are so many things I want to say to you, but I don’t think I can sum them all up in this one letter. I wanted to say that I am very proud of you, you’ve had it tough and you should be congratulated for how far you’ve come and for how hard you’ve fought to get here. But I’m not sure if I can do this anymore._

_  
I know I’ve always had bad timing, and I guess this is one of those times. I know I should have stopped this before it started, but I guess I just got ahead of myself. I think that you are a wonderful person and don’t think, that after I tell this to you, I look down on you in anyway, because I don’t. I think you’re a highly commendable human being, but you’re just not right for me._

_  
I’ve been searching for so long to find someone who understood me and accepted me for who I was, and I must say that you have done all of those things, but it’s just not what I expected it to be. When I talk to you, it feels like talking to an old friend, not someone I love. And I don’t think I can do the whole dad thing, especially with a kid that isn’t mine._

_  
I really hope we can still be friends and I hope all goes well for the two of you, but I must admit that while I’ve been with you I’ve kept my options open, and I have moved on and found someone who I think is more what I was hoping to get from you. I expect you to do the same and I do hope that you find someone who treats you right, the way you deserve to be treated._

_  
I’m sorry, for leading you on the way I have been._

_  
Yours Sincerely, Steve Rogers._

  
There were so many questions swimming in her brain, it didn’t make sense, it didn’t make any sense. It was his hand writing and his signature at the bottom of the page, but it just didn’t sound like him. She was sure that if he were to break up with her he would do it in person not through letter; it was just as bad as over text. _What did he mean that he’s moved on? Didn’t he love you anymore?_

  
All her greatest fears were coming to life, she must’ve read the letter five or six times before she even fully understood anything that had been written on the page. She had been so absorbed in the letter that she hadn’t even heard Tony enter the room, even when he gently asked her about her day.

  
“Kid?!” Tony was standing in front of her desk, desperate look on his face after she had not reacted to his third attempt to engage her.

  
“Huh?” wide eyes tore from the paper in her hands to stare solemnly into his deep brown eyes, her own brimming with tears.

  
“Are you okay?” he was worried she was hurt, or worse going into labour, he couldn’t really tell. Her expression screamed pain but at the same time, it was like she felt nothing at all.

  
“I…” she paused not even sure she could speak with her voice so weak, “I think I just got a breakup letter, from Steve.” Her eyes were glazed over and it was as though she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She could hardly even comprehend it. She had imagined many different scenarios that he left her, but she never expected this.

  
“What?” his brown eyes glanced at the piece of paper she held tightly in her fingers, before moving to stare into her wide eyes that had now focused on something in the distance, outside the large windows in his office, “A letter from Steve?”

  
“Yeah,” her brows furrowed as if she was having trouble remembering something, “Would I…be able to finish early, today? Just so I can talk to him?” desperation sunk into her stomach and radiated outward from her as shaky breaths gathered in her lungs.

  
Tony just nodded. He helped her up out of her seat and gathered her bag from beneath the desk before handing to her. He was having a hard time believing that Steve would break up with this beautiful woman through a letter of all things. Before she left Tony placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, careful not to squeeze her too tight.

  
“Good luck, darling,” Tony had become a father to her and she couldn’t thank him enough for it, he pitched in with buying baby clothes and toys, even furniture and even offered to buy her a house so that she didn’t need to live in her tiny apartment anymore, but she’d declined, she had Steve. But now, now she wasn’t so sure.

  
F.R.I.D.A.Y had informed (Y/N) that Steve was in his room so she made her way up to the avenger’s floor as she could. Her abdomen was huge, being eight and a half months pregnant was taking a toll on her energy, but Steve was usually always there to make sure she was alright, even when he was on missions he sent her text messages checking in on her, making sure she was alright. _What if it had all been a trick, a lie? How could you have been so stupid to let him in?_

  
The floor with the member’s dorms had always been one of her favourites in design. The corridor did a full circle of the floor, with the door for every room on the left hand side. Each room was about the size of a large hotel room with a bedroom, lounge area, kitchen/ dining area, bathroom and laundry, and each room housed amazingly different views of the city. In the middle of the floor was a large communal area where they all gathered to have game nights or watch movies, it was almost perfect.

  
(Y/N) loved the floor because some of her favourite memories with the team came from the place, it was always full of excitement and laughter, but now tension hung in the air above her like a bad smell. (Y/N) was scared to say the least, she was scared that he really didn’t love her and that the life she’d envisioned with Steve had just been a pipe dream.

  
She made her way down the corridor to her left, it wasn’t the quickest route to Steve’s room, but she needed time to think. His room was at the very end of the second corridor after you turned right. She knew none of the avengers lived in the tower, besides Tony, but they all spent time in their room before or after a mission or a party, so hopefully she wouldn’t be bothered while talking with Steve.  
She had finally psyched herself up with what she was going to say to him, it was going to be a question, all she wanted was answers and if he could give her some good ones she had no reason to argue.

She paused at the end of the first corridor taking deep breaths before she turned. You’re just going to walk up to his room and hand the letter to him and ask for answers. It sounded so easy in her mind, but she wasn’t sure if her body was even going to reach his door with the way her knees shook with every step she took. But before she could think twice her feet moved forward on their own accord, turning the corner her eyes settled on the end of the corridor.

  
It felt like a punch to the gut.

  
The way he was holding her, kissing her, pressed against her. The way he held her wrists above her head.

  
Her mind went blank as her plan went out the window.

  
Numb. She was numb. Watching as _he_ kissed _her_. She understood now. He’d moved on, and she should do the same. She could hardly believe he had fallen for Sharon Carter, of all people.

  
She slowly turned on her heel, sure that neither one of them had even noticed her. She tried to focus on something, anything that didn’t have any correlation to Steve. Her eye caught a garbage disposal shoot on the side of the wall. She pulled out the letter and the envelope with the key inside and placed both in the shoot before closing it and moving back to the elevator.

  
The ride down to the lobby was slow and quiet. Aside from her quiet breaths as her brain tried hopelessly to process what had just happened. The metallic doors opened with a quiet ding and she slowly made her way for the exit, before a small gentle hand on her shoulder made her pause.

  
Pepper was standing there with a sad look on her face, her eyes were red and puffy, had she been crying? “We need to talk to you,” her hand slid from (Y/N)’s shoulder limply before joining her other one at her side.

  
“Why?”

  
“Just follow me,” (Y/N) did her best to keep up with Pepper as she quickly made her way through a door behind the reception desk.  
In the room sat Tony and a tall dark skinned man wearing a black leather eyepatch and trench coat. Tony made no effort to look up at the two, just stared blankly down at his hands that he curled and uncurled atop the desk.

  
“Miss (L/N), please have a seat, I am director Fury,” She had only ever met Fury once and she barely even looked at him during the meeting she was in with him, but she did recognise his voice. She nodded pulling up a chair and slowly easing herself into the seat.

“I am here to discuss your permanency. Unfortunately as your maternity leave starts tomorrow, for the next twelve weeks Mister Stark will have no one to be his secretary, so I am sending down a man who has worked for me previously to take your place permanently,” His eye dropped to the table when a hurt expression crossed her face, “I’m sorry.” Without another word he quietly left the room.

  
Her (e/c) eyes flicked to Pepper, who was staring at anything that wasn’t (Y/N). “But I thought you said-“

  
“I’m not in charge this time. I’m sorry, I did what I could, but he’s the boss.” Desperation coated her words, and even though (Y/N) was sure they were true, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  
(Y/N) couldn’t take it, she had enough of the day. She pushed herself out of the seat and, as quick as she could, exited the building. It was all too much. She just wanted to go home and cry, how was she supposed to make money now? She had just been fired from her job that was going to give her paid leave, sure it was the best paying job she’d ever had, but the money she did had left was going to dry up fast.

  
The sun was quickly making its way behind the horizon projecting a beautiful array of colours onto the cloudy sky. March had been cool that year, but it was slowly heating up as spring rolled around and the rain washed the snow and ice away. (Y/N) wished she could enjoy it but it seemed that whenever she enjoyed anything, it was quickly destroyed.

  
The cool wind made her pull her jacket tighter around her body as she quietly made her way home trying not to breakdown in the street.

  
When she arrived at her apartment building the owner gave her a gentle smile. He was a small old man that reminded her of the monopoly man. She wished she could’ve returned the smile, but her brain just couldn’t focus, so she moved quickly to the elevator and made her way to her floor.

  
Her tiny apartment glowed with the last rays of sunlight before they finally disappeared and night swept over the city. She slid her jacket off her arms and placed it on the back of the couch before taking off her shoes and heading into her bedroom to crawl beneath the covers.  
She pulled her phone from her bag, that she had placed on the floor beside her bed, and dialled the only person she could think of to help her through the situation.

  
“Kathy?” her voice broke as she desperately searched her mind for a words to say to her, “do you think you’d be able to come over tonight?”

  
“I’m already on my way.”  
                            ••••

  
The door opened and heavy footsteps announced Kathy’s presence. The black haired woman tightly clutched a greasy brown paper bag in her left hand as she surveyed the room. After not finding (Y/n) anywhere she closed the door and walked toward the bedroom.

  
(Y/n) dragged her puffy red eyes up from a necklace Steve had bought her to look hopelessly at the older woman.

  
“Hey kid, lover boy not in tonight?” she put the paper bag down on the bedside table before moving to climb in on the other side of the bed.

  
“No, and he never will be again,” even though she had seen it with her own eyes and it had happened hours ago, it still didn’t feel real. It felt as though she was having a bad dream and at any moment she would wake up to find that she was about to go back to work and everything was going to be okay.

  
“What are you talking about?" Kathy gently pulled the (h/c) haired girl up until she was sitting up against the head board, leaning her side against the older woman.

  
“Kathy, he broke up with me, he’s moved on,” the flood gates opened as realisation finally washed over her being. She threw her arms around the stout woman violently sobbing into the crook of her neck. “And to make things worse, I was fired today, I have no job and I can’t get a job, and now I have no one to rely on.”

  
Kathy could do nothing but gently rub her back, stroke her hair and softly coo as she waited for the girl to calm down. “Hey, you can always come back and work for me after this little one’s out, and until you find a better job. We’ll probably treat you better than those super hero pieces of shit anyway.”

  
She smiled for the first time in, what felt like forever. Kathy was right, she had more of an impact working minimum wage in a rundown diner than she did earning a great income in an easily expendable position.

  
“Thank you Kathy, I’ve missed you,” short gasps and hiccups escaped her as she tried to calm herself down. Your life isn’t over, you can still do this, everything will be okay, and she repeated it to herself like a mantra, trying to will the universe to give up on trying to make her life anymore of a living hell.

  
“I’ve missed you too, kid.” She gently placed her chin atop of (Y/N)’s head while her hand found its way to her enlarged abdomen feeling the baby gently kick.

  
Everything in the world seemed to pause in time, silence crept in around them and the usually obnoxious buzz of the city faded into a quiet hum in the back of their minds. Everything in that moment was perfect, even though tears still fell from (Y/N)’s eyes she didn’t feel as sad, she felt safe. Warmth radiated off Kathy and seemed to seep into the younger woman’s skin and warm her blood. But all good things must come to an end.

  
The sharp ringtone cut through the silence causing both women to jump. Kathy quickly accepted the call, fully intending to rip the caller a new one. (Y/N) could easily see this from the look on her face as she answered the phone. Her expression quickly dropped as the caller quickly spoke. Slowly she bought the phone down from her ear and stared distantly at the black screen.

  
“What? Who-who was that?” (Y/N) was worried that something tragic had happened to Kathy that would mean that she would have to leave her alone. (Y/N) wasn’t sure she could take another heartbreak, she was already bursting at the seams with grief.

  
Eyes brimmed with tears, Kathy struggled to speak, “that was the fire department, and they called because the diner is on fire and is burning down and can’t be saved. They want to ask me a few questions about…everything.” Slowly she pulled her arms from around the pregnant woman and slid out of the bed.

  
“What are we going to do?” it was a question more to herself than to Kathy, but she answered anyway.

  
“I was-uh, thinking of moving back down to Florida. Opening up another diner. You can come with me if you like,” Kathy stood facing away from the younger woman, but (Y/N) could tell that she was crying. Her head hung low as her shoulders shook as silent sobs racked her body. “I’m sorry.”

  
Before (Y/N) could even open her mouth to respond, Kathy was gone, and she was left alone again. If there was one thing that she knew about life it could always get worse, she was just waiting for it to start raining, but it didn’t. Sometimes the universe just doesn’t listen.

  
Finally the events of the day caught up with her and a scream tore from her throat, her arms wrapping around her middle as she crumpled on the mattress. Tears surged down her cheeks and completely blurred her vision, cutting through the thin layer of makeup and staining her skin with black markings. Sobs, coughs and hiccups were wrenched from her with such intensity that if felt as though her lungs were about to explode.

  
She had never felt so alone and uncared for in her life.

  
_She is broken and won’t ask for help._


	5. Life

The train station was bare and desolate at the early hour. (Y/N) pulled her thick jacket tighter around her body as a train sped past blowing freezing air over her. Kathy sat next to her, hands on her chin and elbows on her knees; she was thinking, deeply.

Thinking of all the reasons how Fury could fire the girl beside her.  
They were both waiting for the four-thirty am train to Florida to arrive. Though it would be a long trip, taking up almost twenty-four hours, (Y/N) was eager to leave. The city had taken too much from her already, all she wanted now was to leave it all behind.

  
“Was your permanency granted?” Kathy gauged her reaction from the corner of her eye. Ever since the fire (Y/N) hadn’t been the same, she was sad and lonely, whenever she spoke it was like she was never really present, her mind a million miles away. Kathy couldn’t blame her, it seemed like all the bad things that could happen to her, did. All she could do was be there for her and try to help her pick up the pieces.

  
“Pepper told me it was, or that she was going to handle it. Do the paperwork herself, so I didn’t need to worry,” her (e/c) eyes never moved from their constant blank gaze forward. Kathy sighed, she knew she was torturing herself for things that were beyond her control.

  
“With big companies like Stark’s, you should never let anyone else take care of your employment, no matter how trust worthy they are. I learnt that the hard way too, kid. But now you know, and you’ll never make that mistake again.” She leant back on the seat to wrap her arm around the smaller woman and pulled her into her side.

  
“Why do I always make mistakes like that,” tears began to well up in her eyes as (Y/N) rested her head on the older woman’s shoulder, “It’s like I can’t do anything right.”

  
Kathy just shook her head. She knew life was going to get harder for (Y/N), and she promised that she would do anything she could to take the weight off her shoulders. She knew she needed her now more than ever, with the baby less than a week away and (Y/N)’s happiness quickly diminishing by the second, Kathy had to make sure she didn’t do something terrible, for the child’s sake.

  
Familiar screeching filled the subway as a train came through the tunnel.

  
“Express transit from New York to Florida, train departure at four-forty-five,” the smooth robotic voice echoed through the empty station. The two women slowly got to their feet, picked up their bags and shuffled toward the train.

  
(Y/N) was about ten feet from the train car when she stopped suddenly, face falling and eyes growing wide, it was a sound she had heard only in dreams. She paused before turning her head to look over her shoulder. For a split second her expression softened before her eyes filled with hatred and despair again.

  
She violently turned her head back to the train and resumed walking, she couldn’t do this, not here not now, it was all too much. She was almost on the train when a large hand surrounded her wrist and stopped her from moving forward.

  
“(Y/N),” Steve spoke gently, like she could bolt at any second if he frightened her. The lines on his face showed his lack of sleep, and his eyes were red and puffy, half from tears, half from alcohol.

  
“Let me go, Steve,” She shook her head softly, fighting to keep the tears at bay. She was determined not to let herself be weak in front of his, so her lips tightened into a thin line and she gathered the courage to face him.

  
“Just let me explain,” he pleaded, gently tightening his grip on her wrist, he wanted to make things right, explain himself and take responsibility.

  
“There is nothing to explain!” she swivelled around aggressively so she could stare him in the eye, her words echoing around the tiled station maliciously “You made it perfectly clear that you moved on, and I’m trying to do the same! I hope you and Sharon are happy!” she tried desperately to pull herself from him, but it was futile, he was too strong. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, there were so many things he wanted to explain, wanted to apologise for.

  
“What happened with Sharon was an accident! It was never-I, just, I got caught up. It was never supposed to happen,” he sighed deeply before dropping her arm and stepping away. He ran his hands through his hair, hot tears burned his eyes and he screwed his eyes shut, keeping them at bay, “I always fuck these things up.”

  
“Steve,” she took a step forward, trying to reach out to him. She didn’t know why she wanted to comfort him in that moment, it could have been the way his voice broke, or the way his face fell when he realised that he couldn’t stop her.

  
“No! You should get on the train. You should start a new life away from me. I ruin everything, don’t let me ruin this too.” he sounded so broken, his gaze dropped to his feet as he bit his lip, frantically trying to keep himself from crying, but tears were already pouring down his face.

  
“Why do you care so much about what happens to me?!” she hadn’t meant for her voice to break, she wanted to sound menacing, but instead she sounded fragile and weak; the one thing she always promised herself not to become.

  
“Because I love you!” all air seemed to leave her lungs as the words registered in her head, she didn’t know what to think, what to say or what to do. No one had ever said those words to her in her life, no one. She knew he meant them. She could tell by the pained expression he held, even after the words had left his mouth, that he was afraid to watch her go.

  
She wanted to run back into the train and forget about him forever, but she didn’t. She wanted to run forward and throw herself into his strong arms, but she didn’t. She just stood there eyes wide and mouth agape, watching as he slowly backed away from her.

  
“Last call for, Express transit from New York to Florida.” For the first time, in what felt like years, his eyes gently met hers, a weak smile spread across his face as a single tear slid down his pale cheek. His eyes were sunken in, but full of a variety of emotions, pain, love, hurt, content, and acceptance.

  
“Go, you deserve to be happy,” (Y/N) couldn’t deny the lump in her throat as she watched him walk away, watching her chance at a happy, full life walked away. She felt so torn, on one hand she could go home and start a new life or she could stay in with the father of her child and together they could try to fix her broken life.

  
Eventually she knew what she was going to do, she could feel it in her gut that it was the right thing to do. Slowly she turned back to the train, taking a deep breath she tried to clear her mind, as the familiar screeching filled the station as the train began to move, taking her new life with it.

  
“What are you doing?!” strong hands gripped her shoulders as she watched the train depart without her, before turning her to face a strong chest, a sad smile crossing her features. “Why did you do that?!” His blue eyes boiled with anger, but his tone held no ferocity.

  
“Because you deserve to be happy too,” Steve’s mouth hung open, his eyes searching hers for any sign of regret, but he couldn’t find any. _She wanted this, but why?_

  
“No, don’t do this for me, what about you?” his face fell as he shook his head, staring deep into her eyes, fresh set of tears falling down his face, “I ruined your life with this kid, don’t this for me.” His hands tightened around her shoulders, shaking her gently. “Don’t do this for me!”

  
“You know?” her voice shook and her mind went blank, body going rigid. Thoughts and situations flooded through her mind. _How did he know? Did someone tell him? How long has he known?_

  
“I’ve known for a long time,” he sighed, hands gently sliding down her arms to grip her small hands. He smiled gently trying to mask his anger and confusion.

  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” hurt poisoned her voice, _why had he kept it from you? Nothing made sense, if he knew why didn’t he tell me?_

  
“I thought it was obvious, spending time with, dating you, buying baby clothes and furniture together, getting to know you, both of you. I thought it was incredibly obvious.” A real small smile crept onto his face, a laugh bubbling from the back of his throat. Before long they were both giggling and laughing with one another.

  
“I’m such an idiot,” her eyes shone with fresh tears as the hilarity of the situation began to sink in. they both lost track of time standing hand in hand laughing with each other, before she spoke again, a serious tone coating her words. “That doesn’t excuse what you did. The letter, the kiss, but if you can prove to me that you really want to take care of this kid, and show me that you can be a dad, a good dad, I might forgive you.”

  
Steve nodded understandingly, he dropped her hands and wrapped his arms protectively around her small frame pulling her into him as much as her bump would allow. She squeezed her arms around him tightly and let all the repressed tears flow endlessly, completely breaking down in his arms as he pressed kisses to the side of her head, both of them refusing to let go for fear either one might vanish if they did.

  
“What letter?” he could only manage to whisper it to her, unable to make his voice any louder as he choked back sobs.

  
She pulled back to stare into his misty, blue eyes, confusion etched into her features, “the letter you wrote me, saying that you didn’t think you could-“ she paused remembering all that was the letter entailed, “how long have you known?”

  
“Since that day in the park. Why?”

  
“Then who wrote the letter?” it didn’t make any sense, if Steve knew about the baby being his and he wanted it why would he say those things.

  
“Who brought it to you?” Steve was worried, he knew he’d never written a letter to you, which meant that someone was trying to break the two of them up. He had a pretty good idea of who it was and so did she.

  
“Sharon,” she laughed breathily shaking her head, “I should have known-” a sharp pain coursed through her, cutting her off before she could say anything else. Whimpering she tightly gripped the front of Steve’s shirt, trying her hardest not to double over in pain. Liquid splashed onto the floor and covered both their feet.  
  
“(Y/N)?” gently held her waist, keeping her upright, “What is it?” he didn’t know what was wrong or what to do, “Is it the baby?”

  
She tried to respond but when she opened her mouth all that came out were gasps and whimpers, so she opted for just nodding.  
His protective instincts went into overdrive and overwhelmed his mind causing him to freeze. It wasn’t until (Y/N) let out a quiet scream, did he finally do something.

  
Gently he lifted her into his arms, making sure not to put her into any more discomfort and ran for the exit. Steve was thankful it was still very early, there were not many people in the station at all and that made it incredibly easy to get back to the car he arrived in.

  
Carefully setting her down in the passenger seat, he hurried to the other side, quickly pulling out of the car park and heading for the nearest hospital. Once again he took her into his arms and walked with her into the emergency waiting room.

  
Quickly a doctor came out with a bed which Steve gently placed her upon before following her, the doctor and army of nurses back into the delivery room.

  
As a few of the nurses left and were replaced with midwives Steve quickly texted Tony to inform him of her going into labour. He was quickly by her side though, patiently encouraging her and letting her hold his hand as contractions surged through her.

  
                             ••••

  
Three and a half hours later, through blood, sweat and tears the baby was finally delivered and was a healthy boy. (Y/N) had named him Jamie. He had been measured, weighed, and had his first feed before being taken to the nursery to let (Y/N) rest.

  
Steve sat with her the entire time. When the nurse had handed Jamie to him, Steve was sure he had never felt anything quite like it. His giant blue eyes took in everything around him. Steve had been so concerned that he would hurt the small child, but the nurses informed him that he was doing fine.

  
After all the nurses and doctors had left, it was dead quiet in the room. Steve found himself staring longingly at the resting woman before him. His mind wondered to all of the time they had spent together, he shivered at the thought that he had almost lost her.

  
“I’m so sorry (Y/N),” his voice threatened to drop out when he spoke, emotions ran rampant in his brain making it hard for him to think. “I never meant to do this to you, or to anyone. I never planned for kids, I mean who does? But I promise, even if things don’t work out between _us_ I will be there for _him_. I can’t promise I’ll be there _every_ step of the way, but I will sure as hell try, because you deserve it.” He paused staring down at his hands as if they were the bane of his existence, “I wish I could give you better stability, not just in money, but in emotional support, and reliability, because I know every mission could be my last, one day I might not come back. I wish I wasn’t a hero, I wish I wasn’t Captain America. But life’s not fair, is it?”

  
“I know,” his head whipped up to see her staring at him tiredly from her spot on the bed, “I’ve had my run in with an above average amount of ‘not fair,’ I guess so have you.”

  
He smiled softly, getting up to move to her side. He sat on the edge of the bed gently stoking a knuckle down her cheek.

  
“He’s beautiful,” Steve said quietly, an amazed smile crossing his features. He could barely begin to comprehend what he had just witnessed. He had a son, a strong, healthy son.

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Yeah, he looks like you,” tears welled up in his eyes as he gazed down at her, taking in every feature on her exhausted face as she slowly shook her head. He noticed similarities between the two that he was only seeing for the first time then

  
“No, he looks like you.” She tentatively reached up to stroke his cheek. She was right Jamie was a spitting image of his father. He had sandy blond hair and soft blue eyes, she was sure he would be a little heart breaker. “Have you gone out to see Tony yet?”

  
“No, not yet,” his hand moved up to hold her own as she gently distracted herself.  
“You should, I’ll be fine,” she snuggled her head into the pillows beneath her head, closing her eyes again.

  
“Okay,” he leant forward and gently placed a soft kiss on her forehead before getting up and heading toward the door. Before he left he made sure she was comfortable, carefully moving some pillows around and adjusting the bed, (Y/N) had to practically yell at him to make him leave.

  
The walk down the hall was relatively quiet, occasionally a nurse would rush past him. When he finally walked out into the waiting room many different faces greeted him, some he knew and some he didn’t. Reporters and camera crews were packed into the small room; it made Steve uncomfortable.

  
His eyes snapped to Tony who put he hands up in surrender and shrugged. His eyes moved over the rest of the team who wore similar expressions. It wasn’t until the press began bombarding him with questions did any of them decide to move to a more private area. A nurse, who noted Steve’s uncomfortable expression, guided them to an empty staff break room, and instructed them to keep it short.

  
“It’s a boy, she named him Jamie, he’s healthy,” Steve said quickly, addressing all the people crammed into the small room. They all smiled back at him and congratulated him and (Y/N). “How did the press know? I didn’t think anyone outside the tower knew.”

  
“There’s a video going around with you running out of the train station with (Y/N) in your arms, it’s basically already viral. Press got wind of it and figured where you were. We’ve tried to shut it down, but we’ll get rid of them this time,” Natasha smiled apologetically at him before taking Clint and Sam back out to the waiting room.

  
Quickly the rest of the team began to follow suit, shuffling out after congratulating him, until it was just Steve and Tony left facing at each other. Tony sighed, shaking his head before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small key and holding it out to him.

  
“Give this to her,” Steve gently took the key, staring at it with confusion.

  
“What’s it to?”

  
“Her house,” Blue eyes snapped up to gaze unbelievingly at the older man, who just shrugged as if it were nothing, “call it a birthday present.”

  
Before Steve could respond Tony was already walking toward the door, Steve was going to just let him go until a though crossed his mind, “Why did you fire her?” Tony stopped, body going rigid before turning his head to look back at him, “Why did…Why was she fired?”

  
“Something…someone. Something happened when Pepper applied for her, it was acknowledged but wasn’t granted. So when Fury came, he had every right to fire her because technically she held no position. It’s something that shouldn’t’ve happened, but it did. She’ll be getting a payout, though to compensate for everything.” Tony sighed and his shoulders dropped, he took in his friend’s worried expression and smiled. “Stop worrying, you’ll be a good dad. Hopefully better than my old man,” he scoffed before finally walking away.

  
Steve smiled to himself, he felt something in his chest expand as Tony’s word echoed in his mind. He stared down at the small bronze key and the red key ring which had the address scribbled on it.

  
“I’ll make it right,” he whispered to himself before leaving the small room and heading back to (Y/N) and his son.

  
                             ••••

  
“Where are we going?” she laughed as watched trees pass as they drove. Every now and then she’d gaze down at the sleeping infant in her arms.

Jamie was a large baby, weighing 9.5 pounds at birth and measuring 23 inches in length. He had the beginnings of hair starting to grow on his head; it was so fine and so light in colour it was hardly even there, but (Y/N) could tell. The nurses had told her he was one of the healthiest babies they had ever delivered, having absolutely nothing wrong with him, no deformities, no diseases, no difficulty in doing anything and absolutely no sicknesses. Steve had smiled so wide when she’d told him, so happy that his son would not be affected by any of the illnesses he faced in his youth.

  
(Y/N) knew it was hard on him. He had never planned for kids, nor did he want them. Not because he disliked children, he loved kids. But his job took a lot away from him; time, energy, a stable lifestyle, but most of all, safety. Steve could not promise that they would be completely safe from everything. Not just his enemies, but the media as well. She knew it would be difficult, but if Steve was willing to put in the effort to make it work, she would too.

  
Slowly the car came to a stop outside a two-story suburban home. It was white with a brown tiled roof. Large windows were scattered around letting light into the house. A small garage connected to the side of the house, allowing for access through there as well.

  
Steve quickly moved around the car, opening the back seat door and gently lifting Jamie from her and balancing him in one of his large arms while he carefully helped her out of the car with the other. Slowly they made their way up the sloping driveway toward the house. After a short walk up onto the porch, Steve quickly unlocked the large, deep brown door, stepping aside to let her enter first.

  
(Y/N) took a few steps into the house before pausing, it was a new house, and didn’t look like it had been lived in at all. It was far on the outskirts of the city away from most other people, and had few houses on the same street. But despite it all the house already had all its furniture and electronics, it even had utensils and food already stocked. Though there were no photos, it looked like somebody already lived there.

  
“Whose house is this?” confusion swept across her face as she turned back around to stare wide eyed at Steve, who had already closed the door and set her bag down next to it.

  
“It’s yours,” her eyebrows shot up and tears sprung to her eyes as he slowly made his way toward her. Her body was rigid as if she was frozen and unable to move, “Tony bought it, and everything in it. It’s brand new. He wanted you to be safe; came and checked it out himself apparently.” Her lip quivered and tears ran down her cheeks as she took in everything around her, hand coming to cover her mouth. “Do you like it?”

  
“Yeah,” she walked backwards toward his voice, mouth agape as tear after tear soaked her cheeks. “I love it, it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of,” she turned around to face him, sobs now racking her body, and carefully wrapped her arms around his neck, making sure not to squash the baby in his arms.

  
“Let’s go check it out,” a chaste kiss found its way to her lips before he wrapped her hand in his and began to navigate around the new house.

  
The kitchen was the first room in the house, it was open, having no walls or doors. The benches wrapped from the front door around the far right wall and curved back out before reaching the door to the garage, creating a kind of ‘U’ shape. They opened all the drawers and cupboards finding them all full with cooking utensils, cutlery and a huge variety of food.

  
The lounge was the same with no internal walls. A plush, black leather couch indicated the beginning of the room. It faced toward the back wall where a large flat screen television sat above a fire place. Next to the lounge were the stairs that led to the second floor, but beneath them was a walkway that allowed them to get to the next room without going around.

  
The walkway led to a small thin room with a single chair in the corner and a book case that ran along the internal wall to the left of the chair. Just left of the stair case was a glass sliding door, showcasing the large backyard that was bordered by a large wooden fence. The internal wall connected to a tiled bathroom which had a small bath, sink, toilet and full length mirror. The bathroom connected to the first bedroom in the house, which they presumed to be the guest room.

The room was relatively small, most of the space taken up by the large mahogany wardrobe and plush bed, the rest of the room was just soft beige carpet. Quickly the two ascended the stairs, eager to find what awaited them on the second floor; they were not disappointed.

  
The upstairs bathroom was even more grand then the first. Having a spa bath that took up nearly half the room, and a walk in linen closet packed wall to wall with fluffy towels and bed sheets of all different colours and sizes.

  
Finally they reached the bedrooms, the first was the master bedroom, similar in design to the one downstairs only there was a lot more space and the wardrobe was filled with clothing both of her and his, and a window ran almost along the length of the room at the front of the house. When they had reached the final room in the house (Y/N) was basically incoherent with how much she was crying with happiness, but the last room was the final straw.

  
The room was a soft lime green, with a meadow painted on the right wall. Deer and birds were featured living peacefully alongside one another. The room had a large crib off to the side, a changing table was right next to it, and boxes of baby clothes and toys were scattered around the room as the wardrobe was already full with them. (Y/N) was sure that she had never been that happy in her entire life.

  
“Come on, there’s something I want to show you,” gently he recaptured her hand and lead her toward the balcony at the other end of the house. French doors opened to an exquisite view of the large backyard and the farm that was just beyond it. Flocks of sheep and their dogs ran over the grassy plains as grey clouds gathered in the sky, indicating the approaching rain.

  
(Y/N)’s eyes were captured by a swing that hung from a massive tree at the very back corner of the yard. It swung delicately in breeze, the rope was thick and new and didn’t seem to have a speck of dirt on it, and it made her chuckle. _Tony must’ve built it._

  
                            ••••

  
After 4 months of living between work, the house and his apartment, Steve finally moved in. It had happened after (Y/N) had confronted him about it and told him it would be best for Jamie if he was there as much as he could be. Steve moving in had really helped her. After 3 months at the house a magazine company had enquired about her after she applied for a job. They believed that she could a promising asset, and offered her a position as an editor of the magazine. They had asked for an interview with her a month later.

  
She had asked Steve to watch Jamie for the day as it was one of the rare weeks where he wasn’t called into work. The interview had started late in the day and had gone longer than she had expected, keeping her from getting home until long after dark. When she arrived home, the house was quiet, eerily so. A bowl of spaghetti Bolognese sat covered on the kitchen bench, steam still radiating off of it.

After she reheated it she moved to the lounge to relax, what she found surprised her and delighted her immensely. Steve was lying on his back, eyelids closed, chest rising and falling evenly. His large hand rested gently on Jamie’s back, who lay sleeping just as peacefully atop of his father’s chest.

  
Her life was now chock full of surprises. The magazine company had accepted her and allowed her to work from home, only needing to come into work if there were important meetings that needed her presence.

Jamie grew stronger and heavier each day. By the time he was six months old he had already said his first word, it being, “Momma.” When he had reached his first birthday he was running up and down the hallways like a champ, though turning was still a problem for him as he would continuously slip, fall and crash into things. He had very good motor control at a very early age. He was able to easily pick up small objects and place them into cups and containers, he could easily understand concepts that were far beyond his age.

  
For his first birthday both Steve and (Y/N) had decided to surprise him and each other with two very opposite presents. Steve had bought a tiny white kitten while (Y/N) had bought a large fluffy golden retriever.

Steve had admitted that he had impulsively bought the feline when he walked past a pet shop and saw it in the window. (Y/N) had laughed heartily, and told him that she had always planned to buy a dog, so she went to the shelter fully intending to buy a well-trained, ex-police German Shepard, but had fallen in love with the kind face of the young golden pup in the next pen over, and bought her instead. She had named the excitable dog Ditzy, while Steve went for a more human name, and called the kitten Milton.

  
Much to (Y/N)’s surprise, Steve was more of a cat person. Opting for curling up in front of the fire with a cup of tea and a good book, than running around outside while it rained, getting covered in mud. But there were times when (Y/N) wasn’t so convinced he was a cat person. Milton preferred Steve over (Y/N), and would only sit on her if Steve was away. To both their surprise Jamie didn’t favour either animal. He preferred birds. So they compromised and bought four chickens and a rooster from the farm behind their house.

  
Across the road in front of their house was a small wooded area. Trees grew tall and dense blocking the view of a park that was situated in a clearing just in front of a beautiful lake. Almost every day that Steve was home, they went for a walk down to the park and enjoyed the freedom it granted them. Sometimes the three of them would just sit and watch the water ripple at the edge of the lake, other days they would play games with Jamie, running around, behaving like kids again and having the time of their lives.

  
But it wasn’t always so perfect, most of the time Steve wasn’t even around. He left for missions’ at the most inconvenient times, during dinner or bath time, and they wouldn’t hear from him for weeks at a time. Even when he came home, it was like he wasn’t really there. He usually came home with bruises and cuts, wanting nothing more than to hold them tightly to his chest and never let go.

  
                               •  
There was a mission that had taken Steve away for almost three months, eight weeks longer than what he had told her he’d be gone for. He promised that he would be home by Jamie’s second birthday, but he never came. It killed her a little every time Jamie would ask, “Where’s daddy?” and she would have to confidently respond, “He’s on his way.”

  
When the three months mark came and went, (Y/N) had tried to come to terms with what had happened, that maybe Steve wasn’t coming home, and that she would have to go it alone from that point on. That night she fell into a restless sleep.

  
Late in the night she was woken up by a small voice and slight pressure on her face. “Mommy, somebody down stair.” Her eyes fluttered open, quickly adjusting to the darkness to find Jamie laying on the pillow beside her, pressing his small hand into her face. It scared her to say the least.

  
“What?” slowly she sat up against the wall, once she had recovered from her initial shock, gently lifting the boy into her arms.

  
“Somebody down stair,” just at that moment thuds resonated from beneath them. (Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat before she cupped a hand over the toddler’s mouth and placed her index finger to her lips, signalling to be quiet. She quickly pulled away, pulling open the drawer of her bedside table and lifting out a small hand gun. Steve had always worried that one of his enemies may try to use them against him. (Y/N) had always doubted that it would happen, as the only people who knew the location of the home were sworn to secrecy.

  
As quietly as she could, she descended the stairs. She paused midway to do a quick scan of the hall way and kitchen, nothing. A deep groan came from the lounge. Mustering up all the courage within her she sprinted down the stairs and pointed the gun into the room. It was almost pitch black, but she could faintly see the outline of someone hunched over in front of the television. Hurriedly she flicked on the light switch. Her eyes grew wide and the gun fell from her hand as she rushed forward falling to her knees in front of him.

  
Steve knelt on one knee in the middle of the room, one hand clutching his middle and the other shook dangerously as it held his weight. His head hung low, pressing against his raised knee. His head lifted ever-so-slightly when she dropped down to his level, her hands cupping under his jaw and tilting his head up to gaze into his eyes.

  
Dark circles surrounded his eyes, and bruises covered almost every part of his body. Dirt and blood stained his skin and his tattered uniform which seemed to only be held together by stands. Gashes and cuts littered his skin and seeped blood, which mixed with what was already stuck there. His lips were dry and his eyes were red and sunken in; in short, he looked like hell.

  
(Y/N)’s mouth moved frantically, just as her eyes did, but Steve could not hear a word she was saying. Instead he slowly pulled his arm from around his middle and held out his hand.

  
“Marry me?” between his gloved fingers sat a small glowing silver band with a line of tiny diamonds carved into the centre of it. Her mouth hung open as she stared at the ring, eyes wide and brimming with tears. Seconds felt like eternity as Steve waited for her to respond, to move, to do anything.

  
“Yes!” she squeaked and nodded, and he smiled. Gently he slid the ring onto her finger as best he could with shaking hands. Tears gushed down from her eyes as she wrapped her arms underneath his and held his large frame to her own.

  
It wasn’t long after that, that they had told the team. They had to practically fight Tony from planning the wedding for them. They already had an idea of what they were going to do and they had already set a date for October that year.  
                               •  
The cool autumn air blew softly on her skin as she waited patiently for Tony to walk her toward her new life. They had decided against having a large expensive wedding and opted for a small gathering of friends in the clearing during the most beautiful month of the year. The canopy was coloured with a vibrant mix of reds, oranges and yellows. The lake reflected all the colour giving a near perfect mirror image of the forest that surrounded it.

  
She gathered a deep breath in her lungs as Tony walked back toward her. He had been over the moon when she had asked him to walk her down the aisle, she had invited her own father but she knew with every fibre of her being that he wouldn’t even read the invitation, let alone respond to it.

The white dress swayed elegantly around her legs as she walked between her friends. It wasn’t too flashy, a simple lace top that extended down to straight fabric which danced in the wind.

  
Once she reached Steve it was like everything around them faded away. They stared into each other’s teary eyes, standing hand in hand listening closely to each other’s vows, finally the rings were given, the ‘I dos’ were said and Steve had dipped her and kissed her gently, trying to convey every last bit of emotion into the kiss. Afterward everyone began slowly heading back to their house for the reception.

  
(Y/N) and Steve walked behind the rest of the team, relishing in the bliss of the day. Side way glances and kisses were stolen and received from one another, red tinted both their cheeks. It wasn’t until (Y/n) noticed a familiar figure leaning on the front of a pickup truck did she freeze. Steve followed her gaze before his eyes settled the man as well. He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off.

  
“You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you,” (Y/N) didn’t even check to see if Steve had left before moving toward the truck. “Why did you come? And don’t bullshit me, saying that I invited you!” venom stung in her words as she stopped a few feet from the man.

  
“I wanted to see if it were true, and it is, good job,” His eyes moved to Steve who stood on the front porch keeping an eye on the situation, before settling back on her, “How long do you think it’s going to last?”

  
“Longer than your marriage, I hope,” shaky breaths vibrated in her chest as she desperately tried to keep her confident façade. He grunted at her words before turning and walking over to open the car door, “You have grandson, you know? His name’s Jamie Carter Rogers, he looks like his dad. He’s sweet-” Before (Y/n) could finish he had already slammed the door shut and started the car. She watched as he pulled away from the curb and drove down the street.

  
“What was that about?” Steve came up behind and gently wrapped an arm around her waist, she let out a deep breath and rested her head against his shoulder.

  
“Closure,” she took his hand and quickly led him back inside the house, eager to forget all about the interaction with her father. She now knew that he really didn’t care about her or her family at all, and for some reason she felt relieved.

  
By the time that everyone had left, (Y/N) was tired and just wanted to sleep, but Steve had other plans. He had threw her over his shoulder and carried her fireman style into their room. Clothes long forgotten on the floor, they were up until early hours in the morning, trying their best not to wake Jamie.

  
                                •  
Weeks had passed and Steve had been given a break from missions for a little while, as there were no big leads that the lower agents couldn’t handle. He became a more active father taking Jamie to kindergarten and spending more time at home. Some days he would lie around the house with (Y/N) doing almost nothing at all, and others he would clean and fix things, he even attempted to wash Ditzy once, unknowing of her fear of the bathtub and ended up getting washed instead of her.

  
Every now and then he was called into work to finish some accounts of missions, or briefings and meetings with politicians or the press. When he came home, (Y/N) was usually always there to greet him, whether it was a kiss on the lips as he walked in the door, or a call from some far corner of the house, she always greeted him.

  
One day though, he came home very late, a briefing for a mission he was to go on the next week, it had gone longer than expected, and returning him home long after the sun had set. He opened the door to find the house candle lit and (Y/N) standing with Jamie on her hip and a gift bag in her other hand.

  
He walked up to her, intending to ask what was going on. Instead she held the bag out to him, massive smile splitting across her face as she practically bounced with excitement. He had looked at her curiously before opening the bag and pulling out its contents. First he pulled out a large white t-shirt that had “best dad in the world” written on it, second came a small box which contained two positive pregnancy tests and finally two still shots of an ultrasound, dated a few days prior.

  
“You’re-you’re pregnant? Again?” his voice shook and tears filled his eyes, she wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad, so she just smiled and nodded. He dropped everything and rushed forward to wrap his arms around the two lifting them of the ground and spinning them around before carefully placing them down again. “I promise I will be there for you every step of the way.”

  
And he was. He held her hair back when she had bouts of morning sickness, he cooked her favourite meals whenever she wanted them, he barely let her out of his sight, determined to make up for everything she went through during her first pregnancy. Even when he was on missions he texted and called at least twice a day to make sure everything was going well, and she loved every minute of it. But she knew she would never forget the day she went into labour, it was one of her favourite days ever.  
                                •  
It was a late winter’s day and the sun was bright and warm, a thin layer of snow covered the ground, making everything seem magical. The birds chirped and the rooster crowed, but it was none of these things woke her that morning. A loud bleat had woken her from her sleep, at first she thought it was her mind playing tricks until it happened again. Slowly she slipped out of bed, prying herself free of Steve’s arm that was protectively wrapped around her enlarged mid-section. She made her way to the window, and pulled up the blinds. Her Jaw hung open and a laugh escaped her lips; a large, fluffy sheep had somehow broken into their yard.

  
Quickly she woke Steve up to help her herd the sheep back into their neighbour’s farm, but he came up with a better idea. He wanted to see if Jamie could ride the sheep first, before they herded it back. (Y/N) thought it was a terrible idea and, that he would never do it, so they bet on it. Steve went back upstairs to grab Jamie, and on the way down told him that if he could ride the sheep (Y/N) would give him ten dollars.

  
Much to her disappointment, Jamie really wanted the ten dollars, so without a moment’s hesitation the blond boy rushed out the door and snuck up on the animal. Both Steve and (Y/N) held their breaths as Jamie got behind the sheep and pounced on it. The animal panicked and ran, but Jamie held on, going for one whole lap of the yard before finally jumping off, and racing back up to the house.

  
(Y/N) collapsed to the ground in fits of laughter and tears blurred her vision. Steve had to use the wall of the staircase to keep himself from falling as hearty laughs racked his chest. He was sure he had never seen anything so entertaining in his life.

  
“Steve!” The urgency in her voice had Steve silent in seconds. He noted the way her face contorted in pain and the way she gripped her bump, and the growing puddle on the floor, instantly he knew exactly what was happening.

Quickly he rushed upstairs to collect the overnight bag and raced back down to put it, Jamie and (Y/N) into the car before speeding off to the nearest hospital.

  
By lunchtime they had a new addition to the family, Sarah Natalie Rogers. She was smaller than her brother, but only slightly, weighing 9 pounds and measuring 22.3 inches, she wasn’t small either. Like her brother she had no defects, diseases or illnesses, Steve couldn’t ask for more. When Jamie first saw her, he cried and kept saying how beautiful she was and even asked if he could stay with her when she was taken to the nursery.

  
(Y/N) loved her life, though it wasn’t easy and was always changing, it was fun and full of beautiful people, she was sure she couldn’t live without.

  
_Sometimes life just slips in through the back door._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not advise jumping on animals that are not your own, especially sheep if you are above the age of 6

**Author's Note:**

> Than you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment on what I can imrove and hopefully I will have the next chapter up soon.


End file.
